Hmmm - reflection

I feel like a voyeur when I read other people's blogs. I get to look into their lives, their souls sometimes, without them knowing it. But that, I guess, is the beauty of blogging. Sometimes we blog and are more truthful and expressive than when we just talk face-to-face.



Conversations like when asked " how's it going" ... "OK" ... When in my head I'm thinking...well this hurts, I'm not feeling confident in my abilities, I'm having issues blah blah blah. But I don't want to seem like a whiner, or that I'm vulnerable, or that I just don't think I'm as capable, etc.....I was raised to not complain (I know-who would have guessed), not to show your emotions and to always be strong.



So back to reflections. When I came across another blog, I started to think about my life and how fortunate I've really been. I look at some of the goals friends have for their 50th BD, and I think "My God that's an amazing Goal!" Not one I would want to every do. But OMG good for her. I'm just not that ambitious! Or maybe it should be said that I have other goals other than that.



Then I reflect on 50 - 3 more years and I'm in that different decade bracket. 50 sounds old when I think about the previous generation -mainly my parents. They are from a different generation when 50 meant to slow down. Of course the did live through internment and WWII, the Korean war, a time when TV was a BIG luxury item, food was seasonal, families had no or only one car, when the decision for my Mom to work was a big deal based on economic survival, my clothes were made by my mother making her own patterns which was a skill taught in school (women were meant to be housewives and the men made all the decisions and the money), etc.

Yet my friends think 50-Wow what can I accomplish by or at 50? HMMM different age bracket=more metals.



I look at how fortunate I've been in HS with friends that kept me grounded and kept pulling me away from undersireable elements...drugs, alcohol, that "bad-boy" that lead me towards all that. I'm no saint and I did my fair share of partying in high school and college. But my friends and my conscience kept me just far enough into this side of "good" that I was always able to pull away from that (as fun and exciting as it was). Can't deny that it was a good time! And I could have seriously done damage to myself and to others. Not knowing where I parked the car or how I even got home but kinda remembering I drove home...scary stuff but I was having fun.



My friends have always been my close "family" and I know how lucky I am to have all of you in my life. Just FYI...