I'm having a hard time getting motivated for anything. It's been non-stop since, well, Mt Wilson training in Feb. The really hectic time seemed to start mid-June. First the marathon training started, overlapping the AR training and planning, overlapping Dave's boys coming down south for the summer turning our lives, our limited space, our privacy, and schedules upside down. Whew. Where to start? Where to go? Where? What? When? Have you ever felt like you were pulled into 15 different directions and just can't control anything? Can't breathe? Can't think? Can't hear? And poor Dave's life is even more hectic since they are his boys and he has to deal with them more.
Now that the AR training and planning is over, I just want to STOP! I want to stop and rest. Stop and relax. Stop and just have some quiet. JUST STOP AND HAVE SOME CALM IN MY LIFE!
I remember the times, before I found bootcamp, where my summer nights were spent at the Hollywood Bowl and John Anson Ford theater. When the weekends were waking up and making breakfast with a mimosa, then maybe a trip to the museum. There was plenty of time for movies, concerts, weekends in Santa Barbara or in Laguna. I could sit and read a book. How different my life is now. That calm has been taken over with training for (fill in the blank).
I know this isn't good. I have to continue working out. I have to continue training but the motivation isn't there. I usually get this way at the end of the year when it gets dark early and the holidays consume everything. This is summer and with all the daylight I should want to be outside moving, outside running, outside biking, just outside moving. But for now I will fight the urge to curl up in a ball and lay in bed for days.
I feel like my life parallels Koyaanisqatsi (Hopi for Life out of Balance). It's a movie-check it out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get my running shoes on and do a few mile. I think that's what I was supposed to do tonight for the marathon schedule. Well it's not to late. Maybe, just maybe I'll run tonight, when it's dark and quiet.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I survied the AR
So the AR was yesterday. We camped out Friday night and got our mandatory meeting at 9PM, getting our map at around 10. We went back to camp, figured out the UTM coordinates, and camp went quiet around 11. Everyone started to wake around 3am for our 4am start time where we got our first leg's map.
Out with headlamps looking for 4 checkpoints was fun. Staight out of Blair Witch, but not spooky... just alot of fun with other insane people.
So after 10 1/2 hours we finished trail running, biking, trail running/hiking and then back on our bikes, covering over 20 miles and elevation gains starting at 642' elevation and going to over 2000'.
What I learned from the AR was that my fears were justified, but my team got me through this. I couldn't have done this whole thing without their physical and emotional support. So thanks for that. I had my emotional breakdown between Eagle Rock and Hub 2. Bob was towing me and I was having conversations in my head. Poor Bob. He was so good about asking me questions just to make sure I was coherent. So when I was asked if I was OK at the Hub, I couldn't help just breaking down and crying. I could feel it coming on, but I couldn't stop the emotion from coming though. I had to just sit there and cry. I sooooo wanted this to be over. I was sooooo tired and I hurt. I hurt all over. My quads, my feet, my calves, my shoulders, even my abs. I was hot and uncomfortable.
But what I learned was that I can rely on others, on my teammates, and that its acceptable to have that help. I didn't want to rely on others. I've always been taught to stand on my own two feet. Sound familiar? There's no giving up when its a team and their victory of completion depends on EVERYONE on the team completing. If I quit, they would all get a DNF. And it would be my fault. THAT is not acceptable. I couldn't let them down just because I was tired, sore, hot, uncomfortable because I also knew they also were and they were all willing to finish this.
So knowing that and the fact that we only had 3 checkpoints left, I had to go on. At least we were on bikes again. Didn't think I'd ever think that after the first bike leg.
After 10 1/2 hours of this torture, my pour Dave-O only wants to come up and hug me and congratulate me and all I could say was "Not Now!" If he did, another emotional breakdown would have happend right then and there. I needed space after finishing this grueling race just to put this all into perspective. He's now seen me enough after being exhausted that my bark MAY be worse than my bite and he endures it. After 3 years, he's willing to understand my emotions, or at least parts of it. Just another reason we are "us."
Out with headlamps looking for 4 checkpoints was fun. Staight out of Blair Witch, but not spooky... just alot of fun with other insane people.
So after 10 1/2 hours we finished trail running, biking, trail running/hiking and then back on our bikes, covering over 20 miles and elevation gains starting at 642' elevation and going to over 2000'.
What I learned from the AR was that my fears were justified, but my team got me through this. I couldn't have done this whole thing without their physical and emotional support. So thanks for that. I had my emotional breakdown between Eagle Rock and Hub 2. Bob was towing me and I was having conversations in my head. Poor Bob. He was so good about asking me questions just to make sure I was coherent. So when I was asked if I was OK at the Hub, I couldn't help just breaking down and crying. I could feel it coming on, but I couldn't stop the emotion from coming though. I had to just sit there and cry. I sooooo wanted this to be over. I was sooooo tired and I hurt. I hurt all over. My quads, my feet, my calves, my shoulders, even my abs. I was hot and uncomfortable.
But what I learned was that I can rely on others, on my teammates, and that its acceptable to have that help. I didn't want to rely on others. I've always been taught to stand on my own two feet. Sound familiar? There's no giving up when its a team and their victory of completion depends on EVERYONE on the team completing. If I quit, they would all get a DNF. And it would be my fault. THAT is not acceptable. I couldn't let them down just because I was tired, sore, hot, uncomfortable because I also knew they also were and they were all willing to finish this.
So knowing that and the fact that we only had 3 checkpoints left, I had to go on. At least we were on bikes again. Didn't think I'd ever think that after the first bike leg.
After 10 1/2 hours of this torture, my pour Dave-O only wants to come up and hug me and congratulate me and all I could say was "Not Now!" If he did, another emotional breakdown would have happend right then and there. I needed space after finishing this grueling race just to put this all into perspective. He's now seen me enough after being exhausted that my bark MAY be worse than my bite and he endures it. After 3 years, he's willing to understand my emotions, or at least parts of it. Just another reason we are "us."
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